Wednesday, October 4, 2023

Buddhism Is My Grandmother

 



09.29.2023


Buddhism Is My Grandmother


For me, when it comes to bearing the suffering caused by dying and death, Buddhism has been like my grandmother, who was the only person I trusted to ask when I was a child, “Why did my father die?” With tears in her eyes, her big arms wrapped around my little body, she held me, and answered with empathy, wisdom, and nurturance.

Buddhist teachings on being with dying, when practiced, are like being held in an empathetic, wise, and comforting embrace by a council of unknown and known elders who have already seen the countless joys and sorrows in life, and therefore are prepared to help us be with the reality of profound loss, with equanimity.

Lion’s Roar’s free online summit beginning October 12, Death, Love, and Wisdom, explores these teachings through the lens of esteemed Buddhist teachers, chaplains, educators, and pioneers in Buddhist-informed end-of-life care.

Buddhism, when we are immersed in its ancient teachings and practices on being with death and dying, positions us to be beneficiaries of the legacies of teachers throughout the centuries and in various lands, including contemporary forms in the West, and as such puts us in the streams of being held in the wise and compassionate embrace of a council of great-grandparents. No matter how old you are now, can you accept your inescapable vulnerability, like a small grandchild dealing with a painful mysterious loss, and allow yourself to soften into and be held in wisdom’s embrace?

Siddhartha Gautama, before he became known as the Buddha, was said to have experienced the reality of illness and death long after his contemporaries had already faced these facts many times. As such, Siddhartha, like many of us, was a late bloomer. He had been protected from knowing about humanity’s existential threats. This part of the Buddha’s story is so relatable and explains why Buddhism is the progenitor of many of the world’s leading experts on the compassionate and wise care of dying people.

In this Weekend Reader, we offer you a few teachings from a contemporary council of Buddhist elders featured in Death, Love, and Wisdom who, through their decades of life, teaching, and leadership, are living members of the council of grandparent compassion and wisdom. You’re never too old, or young, to benefit from their teachings and if you think now is not the right time to confront your true impermanent nature, I’ll end here by recalling the "Evening Chant," with which Zen practitioners end their day of temple practice:
Let me respectfully remind you, 
life and death are of supreme importance.
Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost.
Each of us should strive to awaken.
—Pamela Ayo Yetunde, Associate Editor, Lion’s Roar

Death: The Greatest Teacher


The Buddha said the greatest of all teachings is impermanence. Its final expression is death. Buddhist teacher Judy Lief explains why our awareness of death is the secret of life. It’s the ultimate twist.


Death is a strong message, a demanding teacher. In response to death’s message, we could shut down and become more hardened. Or we could open up, and become more free and loving. We could try to avoid its message altogether, but that would take a lot of effort, because death is a persistent teacher.


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How to Be a Friend Until the End

 

According to Frank Ostaseski, offering care to someone who’s dying is like meditation: there’s no one right way, but practice helps, and so do basic guidelines.
 

One of the most exquisite of Japanese terms, mono no aware, expresses an aesthetic sensibility that’s challenging to translate. It speaks to a gentle sadness—to being deeply moved by the transient, finite nature of things. It doesn’t deny loss or bypass grief but reminds us that the beauty of things and our appreciation of those dear to us is heightened by our awareness of their ephemeral nature.

Isn’t it the fragility and brevity of the cherry blossom, or morning light, or cresting wave that captivates us and invites us into wonder and gratitude?


You Are Already Dying


The most profound meditation, says Joan Halifax, is contemplating the certainty of your own death.


Accepting impermanence and our shared mortality requires loosening the story knot: letting go of our concepts, ideas, and expectations around how we think dying ought to be. It also calls us to “practice dying”—that is, to let go, surrender, and give away, in the best of worlds, to practice generosity. We can do this now; at any time, we can start practicing dying. And if we do, we might also start to perceive the interdependence of suffering and joy—that life and death are not separate but intertwined like roots deep in the Earth.


LION’S ROAR PROMOTION



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